In this exercise, you will practice engagement using some of the tips that we’re provided in Module 6.

 

Ask a friend to meet you at a coffee shop, etc.  Make sure you’re not in a place with TVs or distracting elements that generally take away from conversation. You will not be practicing a goal assignment, but you will be practicing listening skills and techniques while engaging in the conversation.

 

• Your friend will set the conversation agenda.  What they determine that they want to talk about will be the conversation.

• Keep a timer for a 30 minute practice run.

• Disengage your electronic devices.

• Pay attention to all your body language.

• Listen to the things your friend says and ask them to unpack interesting, unclear, or curious statements.

• Disengage the conversation in your head by writing every item down and removing it from your head.  Again, make sure you write down every item.

• Disengage diagnosis, your opinions & judgments,  and problem solving ideas, but write those down as well.

• As soon as you assume that you understand what your friend is saying, ask a question to clarify it.

 

After the conversation

 

In what ways was it difficult for you to allow your friend to set the agenda of the conversation?

 

How aware were you of your body language?  What did you do to adjust?

 

How many different thoughts came to mind that you had to disengage in that 30 minute time span.

 

How many of those thoughts were diagnosing, opinions & judgments, and problem solving?

 

How many of those thoughts were personal distracting thoughts of things to do, etc.?

 

How often did clarifying questions adjust what you initially perceived they said?