Module 4 – Coaching is Client-Centered

We’ve talked a lot about the difference in coaching and other forms of professional support.  One that you still might be having trouble with is why the client is saddled with so much responsibility.  After all, we can get so good at reading people that we can listen to someone talk for 15 minutes about their problem and come up with a solution they haven’t seen after their own lifetime of coping.

 

The truth of the matter is that this person has much more insight than we do:

 

• Who knows their history from birth to now?

• Who has the most information about the day-to-day, hour-to-hour details?

• Who thinks the most about the problem?

• Who has the most to gain if the problem is solved?

• Who has the most to lose if the problem is solved?

 

In every case, it is the client who has the answer to these questions.  They have the most to gain, the most to lose, and they are the ones who have to make the investment to see change manifest.

Once again, giving someone enough information is not going to change them.  People know what they problems are.  Sometimes they even know the solutions.  The question is one of the heart – at what point do they own what they see and step across the threshold to change it.  It is their decision.

 

So in the coaching relationship, we are not directive or prescriptive, we support a process in which the client is encouraged to direct themselves.  At the end of the day, clients are more motivated by what they’ve planned than what has been directed by a source outside of themselves.

 

Here are some examples.  See if you can pick who’s in charge by what the coach says:

 

When the meeting begins

 

What would like to talk about that would help you take a step toward your goal?

I was thinking about our last meeting, and here’s what I’d like to start with…

 

On action steps

 

What steps do you think you should take on this matter?

Let me suggest a couple of things for now…

 

On problems

 

What is one thing you could do to address this problem?

I think the best thing you could do at this point is…

 

KEEPING THINGS CLIENT CENTERED

 

There’s a tendency for coaches and clients to fall back on the advice-giving method.  To keep things client-centered:

 

• Start every meeting asking the client what they would like to begin with

• On progress reports, ask the client to bring their notes and provide updates on the action items they’ve been working on

• When first posed with a “What do you think?”  Respond with “I don’t know.  What do you think?”

• Ask the client to provide action steps in their own words.  Don’t do that work for them.  Have them verbalize it and then write it.

 

THE COACH AS NOISE REDUCER AND PERMISSION GRANTER

 

Imagine taking a call in a crowded restaurant that had the music blasting or when you’ve been in a house full of people talking loudly with a TV and radio on.  Now imagine that this isn’t just a casual conversation, but the person on the other end of the line is telling you detailed information about 3 different kinds of home loans you can choose from.

 

The problem isn’t your ability to decide or process the information.  The problem is that you need to be outside the noise where you can “hear yourself think.”

 

And that’s what a coach believes – if this person can hear themselves think, they can make outstanding decisions.

 

The problem for most clients is that there are a lot of competing voices that are bringing noise.  Sometimes it’s just the voice of insecurity.  But take this same person and place them into a relationship of trust, belief, vulnerability, and unconditional acceptance and you will see them transform.

 

Affirmation from a voice outside of yourself gives way to something powerful: permission – permission to act, to do what’s in your heart to do.

 

THE COACH AS FACILITATOR

 

It’s important to understand that a coach isn’t sitting haply by floating aimlessly with any wind or whim of the client.  The coach consistently has a role of maintaining focus and pushing things forward towards action.  This is a stretch for many people who languish in rehashing the same thoughts, ideas, and conversations with nothing decided and no action steps taken.

 

Every meeting, the coach will:

 

• Ask for progress updates on actions steps that were previously committed to

• Keep the conversation flowing towards the goal

• Push the client by asking for more action steps

 

MORE ELEMENTS

 

Heart

 

One of the most important things you can do as a coach, is support your client in getting in touch with their heart.  The heart is the seedbed of their life.

 

Identifying and defining the dreams and passions of the heart and the resulting goals is essential to the coaching process. While some clients may already know what they desire and simply need support in making their desires a reality, other clients are so caught up in day-to-day living, they don’t even know what they want.

 

As a coach, it is your role to help your client to discover, uncover, clarify, refine or define their goals.

 

Achievement

 

There may be desires in the heart of an individual, but nothing becomes reality until action is taken.

As a coach, your role is to support your clients in defining the actions they need to take to achieve their goals, to encourage your clients along their journey and to support and help them to regain focus on the occasions when their actions are not going to plan.

 

Commitment

 

It is easy to pursue your goals when everything is going according to plan. But it is a persistent and committed effort that will make your goals a reality in your life.

 

As a coach it is your role to support and encourage your clients, especially when their commitment is challenged or is wavering.

 

You will support your client in identifying the biggest threats or challenges in advance of their occurrence and work with them to develop a strategy for addressing the barriers to their commitment.

 

Affirmation

 

One of the most empowering things you can do is acknowledge or own up to your desires. So many people have a ‘secret’ ambition for their life; one that they are afraid to own up to in case they feel foolish, are not able to achieve it or are thought badly of for wanting it in the first place.

 

At the same time, many people don’t acknowledge the efforts they are making and the successes they are achieving. The truth is, the more successful you feel, the more successful you will become, so it makes perfect sense to focus on your achievements.

 

As a coach, your role is firstly to challenge your client to acknowledge their desires. You then need to support your client in affirming and celebrating each and every success they are having along the way.

 

Make a Choice

 

In the end, it all comes down to a choice; who do you want to be and what do you want to do with your life. We must make conscious choices in your life; choices about what you want and what you don’t, choices about what is acceptable and what isn’t; and choices about who you are and what you stand for.

 

As a coach, your role is to challenge your client to make strong, positive choices in their life. You will also need to support your client in understanding and living with the consequences of their choice.